Defining Love

When I became a mom, I spent lots of time thinking about what kind of mom I wanted to be: what kind of long-term relationship I wanted to have with my children, what I wanted them to remember about their childhood, what I wanted them to remember about our marriage, just lots of things.
About two weeks after our first child was born, I hit the end of the honeymoon.........this was not all about cutesy onesies and fun burp cloths. :) This was intense, demanding relationship with someone new to the world who I didn't know very well yet. It dawned on me one late night that one of the things I wanted to teach her was the meaning of love. She did not yet understand the concept; she just cried when she needed something and stopped when that need was met. Now, teaching someone else what love looks like means going to the One who Is Love; it means learning it myself first. He wrote us a definition of it right smack in the middle of His New Covenant; through His servant Paul He told us exactly what real Love looks like. Think back to what Paul said in I Corinthians 13:
Love is kind. Ok, I get that one. It is usually not too hard for me to show a baby kindness. Next.
Love is patient. whoa. Didn't take long for me to fall short. Not my strong suit (see previous posts!!) Can't I indulge a little impatience while trying to cook dinner????
Love does not envy. This one isn't too hard during infancy, but just wait til she prefers something she doesn't have!
Love is not proud. You better believe it isn't.....pretty hard to be too arrogant hanging over the Diaper Genie cramming in another full one.....whew!! That is REAL love!
Love does not boast. Not even a little? Not even when I am proud of that wonderful supper I made last night while still taking care of our little girl?? Not even if she IS really the cutest baby at the Harvest Festival??
Love does not seek her own. What if it's my car keys or cell phone? Can I seek them? Seriously, what about that "me" time? Won't I fall apart without a little time to just do what I want with no one else in the way?
Love is not easily provoked. This one is really hard when my blood pressure instantly rises at the 2 a.m. cry. I know you can't be hungry/wet/dirty/lonely again??!! However, I don't feel justified in showing her my provoked face....she will see that one when she's older!
Love rejoices in truth. wow. That one requires some investment. I think that means that it doesn't rejoice in non-truth. Hmmmm. We will be having some talks about truth and non-truth and knowing the difference. Lord, please help me with this one so I can teach it; I don't think I have learned it well yet.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Now I know I am out of my league. That is why Paul follows up these characteristics with a definition of maturity: when I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Maybe that is because to really love someone I have to be a grown-up. To bear, believe, hope and endure takes courage and a lot of help from the Lord. That is not my natural condition.
In fact, the LORD helped me with all of this. In order for our daughter to grow up knowing real love, I had some real work to do on my heart. I could not bear for her to experience a selfish or arrogant or impatient love; her first experience of love would come from how we treated her. That is a sobering thought indeed. God depends on parents to show children what His love looks like. If we fail in this, they start their own lives with a lower standard for love and a lower standard for what to expect out of their relationships. Knowing the definition of love and seeing it (of course imperfectly!) lived out will give them a head-start on knowing their Heavenly Father and understanding what He is to them. Really, truly loving my children takes all I have to give them and more sometimes, but it has been so worth the journey to empty out my childish thoughts and attitudes and try to do away with childish things. I think v12 tells us that we can't know all the ramifications of how our treatment of others will impact them ("now we see dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part but then I will know fully...."). We have to trust that God knew what He was doing when He put this chapter in scripture, and that He knew what He was doing when He gave us our children.

History Lesson!!

In my entire education (all 17 years worth!!) I learned a lot about the Civil War, but I never heard about any revival occurring in the churches in both South and North. Recently in researching material for us to study in our homeschool, I came across a couple of references to the amazing explosion of faith that took place during the Civil War, beginning in both armies. Apparently because of the influence of Godly leaders on both sides (if you want an entertaining evening, watch the recent movie, "Gods and Generals"), many soldiers and subsequently families of soldiers came to or came back to a deep faith in God and His will. You can discount this if you will to the old cliche, "There aren't any atheists in foxholes" but in reading further it was astonishing how widespread and apparently deeply felt this revival was. Since my first notice of this idea, I have run across it in several other unrelated sources. A devotional in my daily book was a reading of several conversion stories between 1863 and 1865 in the war camp; I ran across a book title I since ordered from Vision Forum called Christ In The Camp solely devoted to telling these stories; I found a reference to this book and its material in World magazine.
Despite the reasons I never heard about this in school (that is a topic for another time!), I am so glad to learn about it now; it reinforces the idea that God always is creating something from nothing; good from bad; everything, despite its tendency toward chaos, has the potential for good. Don't you know this drives the devil nuts??? Don't you know he is always racing to get as much bad out of a situation as he can before God's way gently intervenes again and takes over for the good?? Even in the middle of a horrendous war, one that split families as well as a country, there was a small but potent explosion of people turning freshly to their God and carrying that attitude with them for the duration. After the war the survivors took this fresh outlook home & we are probably still reaping the rewards for their wartime conversions. I am so thankful to be serving a God who can always make good out of bad, no matter how bad!! It makes me feel so hopeful toward these uncertain times we are living out; unrest on every continent as well as discontent here at home - economies wobbling on the brink of total chaos - all kinds of immorality flaunted in every possible form - makes me look again for the good that God will inevitably bring from the bad. That is just who He is - He cannot help it. Praise Him!!

Clay vs. Wood

Today, if we want a dish or a vase a candleholder or a piece of furniture, we go purchase it. In Bible times it wasn't always quite so easy. At the market, if the potter didn't have the dishes that matched in the color or pattern you wanted, you could go to his workshop and specify what you wished for your pieces. It might be several days or weeks before you received what you wanted. In that society, a potter was a type of artist. His art was very functional and yet also added beauty and order to their homes.
Wood carvers were also important; many tools and furniture pieces were carved by craftsmen. It might not be an instant purchase; if the chairs or table you wanted were not available, it could be weeks before he would have them ready. The two artisans had very different workshops and very different tools to work with, but they both were very useful for providing functional and beautiful pieces for people to use in their homes.
These two contrasting art forms have been somewhat lost over time, although we still use wood and pottery today. Our mass-production plants hardly resemble an artisan's workshop, however, and so some of the Bible's imagery might require a little effort on our part to absorb. The image of a potter is used to describe God on more than one occasion, and thinking that through means we need to picture God as an artist, giving shape to a lump of clay sitting on His wheel. He has a specific design in mind; He knows how much clay it will take to make; He has prepped the clay and has His oven ready to fire it into sturdiness so His design will not be lost. God is not described as a woodworker; He does not begin with material that already has a shape.
Yet sometimes in His hands I resemble wood rather than clay. Sometimes my "woodgrain" (i.e., my "personality", my "needs", my own "plans") gets in the way of God's shaping. I forget that I am not wood; I had no shape or design until He gave it to me. I have the airy notion that there is part of me that belongs to me; it puffs me up and makes me hard to form. Now wood can be beautifully carved. There are many strong forms it can take, and showing off its grain is a beautiful part of that process. Think what it does to the wood! It has parts shaved off with sharp tools; pieces of it litter the floor around the carver's stool. For the carver, going across the grain of the wood requires a lot of effort and special tools. What a painful process this could be!
We are not described as wood, however; we are described as clay. We are soft and formless, with no beauty or function on our own. God's hands can be gentle while they shape us into what He imagined when He made our clay. No scraps have to be wasted - it is all usable in His hands. He can impress pattern and color into us and make us useful and beautiful.
This process is partly up to us, however; acting like wood can mean a painful trimming process is necessary for us to be useful. Forgetting that I was made to be shaped means I think I have a good enough shape and I don't want to lose it. It makes me comfortable to think there is some part of me that is indigenous to Me; something that is Mine. In those moments I forget that I was someone else's idea, not my own. I was made to be gently and lovingly shaped into something beautiful and useful, for another place and time. This process doesn't have to always be painful. If I can be more like a lump of clay many times He can work a lot easier on me, and I must remember that is always better for me.

Passing on Responsibility As Well As Privilege

I heard a speaker recently who emphasized the importance of responsibility holding hands with privileges. His example was striking; in one of the first battles of the Revolutionary War, there were patriots with such names as Hawthorne, Poe, and Thoreau. Amazingly, even though these men fought diligently and helped to found our nation on the principles of the Bible, some even serving as ministers and elders in early churches, by the generation of their grandchildren, their families had turned aside from following God and were the leaders of the "Enlightenment," which emphasized man's learning as apart and more important than God. What happened??
These men did not pass on what they fought for. They had the right principles, they fought willingly and diligently for freedom of worship and religion and the founding of society on God's laws, but they didn't pass down those values. They passed on a love of knowledge and the privilege of pursuing it, but they did not share deeply the reasons for learning and the importance of the Search for Knowledge as a Search for God. Consequently their family line had the opposite effect that they intended.
In my recent study of the books of Joshua and Judges, this type of cycle is the way Israel's history began in Canaan as well. Upon preparing to enter their promised land, Israel was told by God that he would utterly destroy all the Canaanites in the land before them; all Israel had to do was to cling to God and His Law for them (see Exodus 23). In Deuteronomy 7, God had promised to drive out all of the inhabitants of Canaan before them. He warned Israel of the dangers of intermarrying with the tribes of Canaan and subsequently being seduced to follow their gods instead of God. Through Joshua God shared this same promise (see Joshua 23). Still, Joshua's generation died out, the next generation with elders who served under Joshua died out, and by the 3rd generation in Canaan, the people had turned away from God and were chasing after gods. God's word says they played the harlot (Judges 2:19). The Israelites passed down the privilege of living in the Promised Land, and no doubt they played this up to their children, but they forgot the conditions of God's Promise: that they utterly destroy Canaan's tribes; that they totally eliminate all other gods - those they brought from Egypt (Joshua 24:14) as well as Canaan's gods. This meant that their grandchildren grew up not knowing who God was or what He had done for their people (Judges 2:10). That is all it took. Just one generation that didn't pass on God's Will and Plan for His people resulted in over 400 more years of misery and cycling in and out of God's purpose. These cycles resulted in kings who led them further astray and finally the end of God's communication with Israel for a final 400 years (intertestament period). This failure set off a chain of events that led to Israel forfeiting God's intended blessing on them.
This is a warning to me. I am to certainly share all of God's bounty with my children, but I am to also share all of God's words with them; to talk of them all the time as God encouraged Israel to do in Deuteronomy 6; to encourage them to develop a relationship with the God who was Israel's and is also ours. If I fail to pass on the responsibility of being His child, I fail to pass on the privileges as well. To do less is to pretend in their eyes that what we have here in America and even in our own home is a result of something we have done, and it is a lack of acknowledging our dependence on God. I cannot fail to constantly represent everything we have as a family, as a church, and as a nation as a blessing from God; to constantly point to the stones piled up in the Jordan and the altars built across Canaan to remember what God has done for us throughout history. This is an enormous task, but it is one I cannot fail in or I will watch the consequences for generations to come.

Seeing God In My Garden

Between rain, cool weather, and vacation, it has been difficult to get my garden out this year!!! I love working up the soft soil (we added a big truckload of good fresh topsoil to boost the health of our crop!), and I always end up thinking of God and His Garden. There are so many parallels between God and us gardeners!! We know He likes them; it is where He put His first man and woman! This year I was struck by the different ways plants need to be planted: I make mounds to put my squash into; the chives were to be planted in rows near the surface; the okra seeds were to be soaked before going into the ground at all; the tomatoes are planted as deeply as possible & then need to be staked for support; and the peas were to be planted pretty far apart and pretty deeply. My blackberry bushes just keep setting up housekeeping outside the area I allotted to them, and I have had to pull up several of their shoots to keep the garden area clear enough for the veggies! I got to thinking about the importance of planting each different kind of seed in just the right way for the maximum yield, and of course this thought led me to motherhood. I think so much about planting seeds in my daughters hearts, planting them not too early, not too deeply, but deep enough and early enough that they can take root. I think about the peas that were mostly washed out of my neat rows by the heavy rains just a few days after I planted them, and I think of things I have planted in my children's hearts that had to be replanted because of a storm came too soon afterward to let the lesson take root.

It also happens that I get tired of carving out rows in the dirt and I still have seed left. Now, I don't like to waste seed, so I might double up on the amount of seed in my row, or the number of seed potato pieces, just to use them all up. What happens is that the seeds are hampered by the extra seeds, and my production is also hampered. It doesn't produce more veggies for us; it actually probably keeps our yield down!! With my children, I can get so tired of planting seed that I just decide to cram some extra in one day, just so I don't have to try again tomorrow, but this always backfires. Always. Always. If I try to overexplain or try to make too much application out of a situation; if I try to make everything into a lesson, I might as well have saved my breath. Sometimes the ears are just not receptive to everything I might think I have to say at once. The apostle Paul tells me not to weary in doing good, though; he tells me to persevere and continue doing good works, to finish the course, to run the race all the way to the end. That means I will not give up, I will not try to cram in too much at a time, but will save some for next time. That means I will stop talking when I see that I have lost my audience, that I will save some seed for another day.
Another phenomenon in my garden occurs during weeding. Now, weeding is something I spend a lot of time on. A key to being a good weeder (especially when your garden is still young and seedlings are just pushing up!) is to know the difference between a weed and a desired veggie plant. If I can't tell the difference between the tomato seedlings and a weed, I am likely to pull up my Big Boys while they are Tiny Toddlers! There are some weeds that closely resemble vegetable plants, too; there is one especially that looks a lot like a squash plant. The way I am able to weed early on is to know exactly where I planted the squash hills and to look for the seedlings there, and anything else must be that pesky weed!! This brings my heart down around my knees; there have certainly been times when I thought I was helping to pull weeds in my daughters' hearts but ended up pulling on a good seedling. Not taking the time to first LISTEN to what they had to say has taken me down the wrong path more than once. Let's just say I learned early on how to apologize to my children. I still struggle sometimes to listen first and ask questions before I muscle in and try to fix some situation. A lot of times I misread the circumstances on my own and would speak up completely out of turn if I had rushed in.
Another big lesson I have learned in my vegetable garden: weeds like to grow right up next to the good plants. This is because (I suppose) they receive more water and fertilizer, and there is rich dirt around the roots of the purposed plants. Amazing, how hard it can be to pull weeds that have started growing up close to my veggies! I have to be very careful in removing the weeds, to make sure I don't damage the onion or tomato plant at the same time! Those weeds know exactly where the good stuff is; they don't make for the top corner that is always drier and not the best soil - oh no - they go right for the good stuff at the base of my food stuffs!! Now, this one is tricky to apply to my mothering; I like to fix things quickly and easily, and I don't like long drawn-out situations that don't resolve easily (please refer to my post/posts on impatience!!). Sometimes a situation calls for something on the order of a straight pin or a needle, and I come in swinging an ax. This often ends up being hurtful, and worse when I misunderstood the situation because I didn't stop to listen first (See last paragraph!!). A lot of situations need to just work themselves out; what I need to do is keep feeding the good stuff and wait til the bad is obvious before I offer to help weed my daughter's garden. I have had to learn the hard way that weeding immediately is not always the best thing - in my veggie garden I have pulled quite a few good seedlings because the weed had a better foothold; if I had waited a little to let the veggie plant take hold the weed might have been easier removed without damage to the veggie plant! Of course you run the risk of the weed choking out the good seed; this is a job for the Master Gardener. Cover that little seed in prayer and ask for discernment in timing your weeding job. He always knows when is the best time, and He would love for you to know too.
The last lesson for today I want to mention from my time in the garden is that I have to follow instructions for planting all my plants. If I didn't have the seed packets and access to gardening websites, there is no telling what kind of plants I would have!! Failure to read about what I plant has led to some crazy situations involving cucumber vines planted near zucchini plants, and much to my dismay planting the wrong companions can mean harm comes to both crops. As a mother, if I don't consult The Instructions about the precious souls put in my garden, I lose out on the One Resource that can help me plant them the way they are to be planted so they can grow the way they were made to grow and produce fruit for Their Gardener. It is a one-chance job; spring only comes once for me as a Mother; I have to be ready with my gardening tools when it does and work as hard as I can without becoming weary so I can produce fruit with the seed I have been given.
Go forth and plant the seeds you have been given in your garden - whether spiritual or physical!!!

Time and Impatience Part 1

I am convinced that part of the curse in the Garden of Eden was the curse of Time. I think when we were created on this Earth, being bound by the constraints of Time was not part of God's plan. When Adam & Eve had to leave the Garden of Eden, part of the curse when they left was now having to live in the Time dimension. When God told them they would surely die, He did not mean instaneously; He meant they would have to die physically, and that was not part of His original plan. The first reference made to the length of life for Adam and Eve was not upon their creation; it is in Gen. 3 vs. 14 and 17, when He is outlining the conditions of their fall and subsequent curse. To both of them He mentions "all the days of your life." I think this was the first information recorded that they would have been given to understand that their lives were not instantly over, but that they would now have an end.
This explains so much of my world: my penchant for impatience, my longing for different times and different passages of life; my discomfort with one area of life while I am completely contented at the same time with another area; my frustration at not being able to know what is coming up for us; my anxiety at not knowing where things will lead. C.S. Lewis referred to the fact that we never see fish uncomfortable in their natural surroundings of water, but we humans never have gotten comfortable in our surrounding of Time. It was one of the indicators for him that we were never meant to be mortal. I wholeheartedly agree. As we are told in Ecclesiastes, God has set eternity in our hearts so we naturally hunger for more than the Time period we are given to live out. To be continued.......

What Kind of Tree?

Just wondering - how did I not notice trees for so long?? The last 15 years or so have made me so aware of trees and the different growth rates, and I have fallen in love with trees. Anytime I see some being topped or cut down I just mourn. Recently, in a storm, I walked through our neighborhood and saw a big tree that had split down the middle. It was a big mature Bradford pear, and it was in full color when it split. There were beautiful dark red and green leaves all over it, but it was hanging across an electric line and being supported by the two utility poles in the yard. It was such a sad sight, that tree half hanging over the wires and half still standing. The inner tree wood was so bright but somewhat stained by the recent rains. It was just sad. What it did was make me think: would I be that kind of tree when storms hit me? Would I just split down the middle and hang on something or someone nearby? The trees that seem to make it the best are the slow growers, the oaks and walnuts. We have two oaks in our side yard, and they have been there over five years, and they are just this year beginning to have some shape and height. They even showed some fall color finally!! I have been so impatient about them - couldn't wait for them to have some pretty fall leaves, and then when they did I was so surprised!! At the other side of our yard we have a huge walnut, probably over 100 years old, which has weathered some storms. Apparently it has been struck by lightning at least once, yet it still grows leaves and walnuts and comes out every spring. It hit me that those old trees, which take so long to grow and are so slow to show us their "stuff" are the ones that made it; that Bradford pear and others like it were so quick to grow large and cover themselves with pretty blooms and leaves that they outgrew their trunks, and they are the ones that we find split up after storms come through. They weren't patient enough to grow large enough to hold all that beauty, and consequently old Bradford pears are rare indeed.
The lessons I always hope to keep from these trees are these: I hope to remember to grow slowly is not a shame, because often growing quickly doesn't allow roots and sturdy trunk growth. I should grow slowly and let God shape me as I grow. That way when storms do come I will be strong and continue to produce fruit after the storms are gone. The other lesson I hope to remember is to be patient and wait for the Lord. This does not come naturally - I am a very impatient person, and so I have to constantly remind myself of this truth. However, in the times when I am patient it is amazing that these are the times I am rewarded and see much more benefit than when I try to force things to happen. God is patient, and He is patient in teaching me. I am so glad - I have failed so often in these lessons, but He can even use trees to remind me of what I need to know!!