Defining Love

When I became a mom, I spent lots of time thinking about what kind of mom I wanted to be: what kind of long-term relationship I wanted to have with my children, what I wanted them to remember about their childhood, what I wanted them to remember about our marriage, just lots of things.
About two weeks after our first child was born, I hit the end of the honeymoon.........this was not all about cutesy onesies and fun burp cloths. :) This was intense, demanding relationship with someone new to the world who I didn't know very well yet. It dawned on me one late night that one of the things I wanted to teach her was the meaning of love. She did not yet understand the concept; she just cried when she needed something and stopped when that need was met. Now, teaching someone else what love looks like means going to the One who Is Love; it means learning it myself first. He wrote us a definition of it right smack in the middle of His New Covenant; through His servant Paul He told us exactly what real Love looks like. Think back to what Paul said in I Corinthians 13:
Love is kind. Ok, I get that one. It is usually not too hard for me to show a baby kindness. Next.
Love is patient. whoa. Didn't take long for me to fall short. Not my strong suit (see previous posts!!) Can't I indulge a little impatience while trying to cook dinner????
Love does not envy. This one isn't too hard during infancy, but just wait til she prefers something she doesn't have!
Love is not proud. You better believe it isn't.....pretty hard to be too arrogant hanging over the Diaper Genie cramming in another full one.....whew!! That is REAL love!
Love does not boast. Not even a little? Not even when I am proud of that wonderful supper I made last night while still taking care of our little girl?? Not even if she IS really the cutest baby at the Harvest Festival??
Love does not seek her own. What if it's my car keys or cell phone? Can I seek them? Seriously, what about that "me" time? Won't I fall apart without a little time to just do what I want with no one else in the way?
Love is not easily provoked. This one is really hard when my blood pressure instantly rises at the 2 a.m. cry. I know you can't be hungry/wet/dirty/lonely again??!! However, I don't feel justified in showing her my provoked face....she will see that one when she's older!
Love rejoices in truth. wow. That one requires some investment. I think that means that it doesn't rejoice in non-truth. Hmmmm. We will be having some talks about truth and non-truth and knowing the difference. Lord, please help me with this one so I can teach it; I don't think I have learned it well yet.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Now I know I am out of my league. That is why Paul follows up these characteristics with a definition of maturity: when I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Maybe that is because to really love someone I have to be a grown-up. To bear, believe, hope and endure takes courage and a lot of help from the Lord. That is not my natural condition.
In fact, the LORD helped me with all of this. In order for our daughter to grow up knowing real love, I had some real work to do on my heart. I could not bear for her to experience a selfish or arrogant or impatient love; her first experience of love would come from how we treated her. That is a sobering thought indeed. God depends on parents to show children what His love looks like. If we fail in this, they start their own lives with a lower standard for love and a lower standard for what to expect out of their relationships. Knowing the definition of love and seeing it (of course imperfectly!) lived out will give them a head-start on knowing their Heavenly Father and understanding what He is to them. Really, truly loving my children takes all I have to give them and more sometimes, but it has been so worth the journey to empty out my childish thoughts and attitudes and try to do away with childish things. I think v12 tells us that we can't know all the ramifications of how our treatment of others will impact them ("now we see dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part but then I will know fully...."). We have to trust that God knew what He was doing when He put this chapter in scripture, and that He knew what He was doing when He gave us our children.